I just saw the movie "I Love You, Man" with Paul Rudd on Saturday. It was about his search for a Best Man for his wedding.
So that night I had a dream and lo and behold it was my wedding!!
I had this really extravagant dress ready to wear and the ceremony was going to take place at this big theatre that was very dimly lite with only the stage and the main aisle carpeted in bold red lite with piercing white lights. There was balcony seating as well where I was standing looking down to the stage. The whole set-up seemed very dramatic and romantic.
However, it was raining and really gloomy out the day of my wedding so we decided to postpone it to another day. How sad... and I didn't even get to see the face of my husband. But I was really really happy in my dream and I woke up happy.
Then in my dream the next night my friend proposed to me and we got engaged. We headed off to this vacation spot in Europe with a couple of our friends. It was beautiful! And what's a story without an antagonist? Of course, one of the friends that tagged along was a very pretty lady who was in love with my fiance and was scheming to steal him away from me. I tried to warn my fiance about her seductive ways and her ulterior motives but he kept brushing it off telling me to just be nice because she doesn't have many friends. I was so frustrated that he wouldn't listen to me so I let him go accompany her during a shopping tour and I went off on my own to the beach. Then as I was walking back to my car in the parking lot a man approached me and started to threaten my life. I ran quickly to my car to get in and lock him out but all he kept violently yelling at me was, "just try and run away! Just try!! you won't get away." In panic, I locked my doors, turned on the engine, and drove off. But as soon as I started zooming off I realized my brakes didn't work.
I saw a huge traffic jam right ahead of me and so I was repeatedly stomping on the brakes but nothing worked and I was locked in my car. The man just watched and laugh. I closed my eyes to embrace the impact and then I woke up.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Picture of Dorian Gray
The following are quotes from Oscar Wilde's only published novel. These were the ones that made me stop to think twice. Enjoy!
All art is at once surface and symbol. Those that go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril. It is the spectator, and not life, that art mirrors.
The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.
(caprice - an impulsive, often illogical turn of mind)
The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray…
I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
Punctuality is the thief of time.
When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy.
To be popular one must be a mediocrity.
To define is to limit.
All art is at once surface and symbol. Those that go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril. It is the spectator, and not life, that art mirrors.
The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.
(caprice - an impulsive, often illogical turn of mind)
The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray…
I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
Punctuality is the thief of time.
When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy.
To be popular one must be a mediocrity.
To define is to limit.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Therefore, go out.
Nickelback's new song: If today was your last day
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
Tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
what´s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there´s no second try
So live like you´ll never live it twice
don´t take the free ride in your own life
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
Tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
what´s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there´s no second try
So live like you´ll never live it twice
don´t take the free ride in your own life
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Big Things Start Small
In the past couple of months, I've been deeply thinking about missions.
I've been cooped up in my own world for 20 years now and it's not going to change until I really start obeying the One above. I read this quote by Don Miller saying, "I am the problem... Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what's wrong with the person in the mirror."
He couldn't have put it better. I've asked God many times to change my chaotic and selfish heart and looking back over the years, I don't think much has changed. In fact, it will never fully change because we've been born with it. So I went back to Miller's quote thinking how am I suppose to go out there if it's practically impossible to change myself? I'm still a painful sinner... I really am the problem! But behold a new answer has come: Jesus Christ.
God's love is unconditional to His children. His love is pure, drives out fear, and covers a multitude of sins. So even though my heart is still selfishly chaotic and will most likely be until I die, I now have one thing that I haven't had before: the peace of knowing that God will still use me and wants to use me.
Now that it's taken how many years to figure that out?.. I feel like I'm ready for my next step.
God's love is unconditional to His children. His love is pure, drives out fear, and covers a multitude of sins. So even though my heart is still selfishly chaotic and will most likely be until I die, I now have one thing that I haven't had before: the peace of knowing that God will still use me and wants to use me.
Now that it's taken how many years to figure that out?.. I feel like I'm ready for my next step.
My soul is craving and yearning. Lately, I've been immersing myself in the bible, novels, business leadership, Third World issues and the like. I feel like a huge "dry sponge" as my friend refers me to because I want to soak up as much as I can. It's odd though because I would have never been like this before. Sometimes I don't feel like myself, which is scary.. I mean, could it really be that I'm beginning to finally lose myself in Him? It's trippy art- the art of losing yourself.
So as I constantly hunger, I realize that the instant stuff (and by 'instant' I mean 'temporal' and by 'temporal' I mean 'this world') just doesn't suffice. I need the better food. This time I'm reaching out beyond my grasp for something heavenly and love-binding. Hence now is the start of my calling for missionary support in my home, city, or far away country. Missions isn't only about serving others and the "lost-and-found", it is also needed to reinforce ourselves with God.
It is quite evident that a reason why many of us fail to acknowledge missions is because we don't see the long-term inclination it has. We have let the world fool us into thinking that it has control over us when really we have complete control over it. We take in too many lies, which hinders our faith in God. Thus, missions is a banner that is to be noticed by the ones who decidedly look up, to declare that God is God, the controller and purpose to everything.
So as I constantly hunger, I realize that the instant stuff (and by 'instant' I mean 'temporal' and by 'temporal' I mean 'this world') just doesn't suffice. I need the better food. This time I'm reaching out beyond my grasp for something heavenly and love-binding. Hence now is the start of my calling for missionary support in my home, city, or far away country. Missions isn't only about serving others and the "lost-and-found", it is also needed to reinforce ourselves with God.
It is quite evident that a reason why many of us fail to acknowledge missions is because we don't see the long-term inclination it has. We have let the world fool us into thinking that it has control over us when really we have complete control over it. We take in too many lies, which hinders our faith in God. Thus, missions is a banner that is to be noticed by the ones who decidedly look up, to declare that God is God, the controller and purpose to everything.
Monday, February 23, 2009
I need a Decipher
You know when people say that the dream they just had felt so real?
Here is Dream entry # 100928098147126197 ..
I was on the phone with my mentor and she was trying to tell me that sometimes people come to a fork in the road in having to decide between two very different people. The choice is obvious but we tend to go for the ladder. The first person is the one we fall for hard without any explanation, red flags sailing high, and arrows trying to guide us back the other way. But we don't care because we've become blindly seduced by their presence and we just stand there with butterflies. The second figure is the one with everything to offer, you can list the reasons why you love them, they challenge you, and you have this odd envy or desire to be like them. One is mystery and the other is an open book. One is asking to jump off the bandwagon and the other is asking for marriage.
So as she was explaining this to me, two of my friends popped up into my head that fit these two characters. It's a very hard and confusing decision- but only if you don't know what you want. My mentor continued to speak and say how that is a decision I must make.. and after our whole conversation (or rather me just listening to her speak), she concluded by saying, "Christine.. there is something else. I know we have been confiding in each other for the past while now, but we are going to have to stop now. We cannot talk or be friends anymore."
I was really shocked and at first I responded by saying, "Ok, I understand." But as I kept thinking about it, I didn't understand. We have been building up such a close friendship and I've been trusting her with so many of my secrets.. how? why? She explained very blunt in tone that it wasn't healthy for her. Really, it made no sense at all. So I said, holding back my tears, "Alright, I guess I'll catch you later then..." She hung up.
So it was a day before my exam and I was with my best friend. She wanted me to drop her off at this community centre because they had a free drop-in health and body class. It actually seemed a bit odd and off and I kept looking at the flyer she received and it made more sense to me as a rehab session. But my friend kept insisting that it wasn't and it would be a cool experience. So I dropped her off and of course she dragged me into it (even though at the back of my mind I was thinking about my next day's exam). We entered into a door that only opens from the inside to prevent unwanted outsiders from coming in.
We walked down the winding stairs and I looked at all the people coming in and it just seemed so off. These were people with serious mental issues! What were we doing there? We didn't belong.. Anyway, we kept following and then I looked at another flyer and realized this wasn't what my friend thought it was. A person beside us, held down by people, was scrambling to get away and screaming out that she didn't want it again. The pictures on the flyer were actually really disturbing as I analyzed it closer. There was a 'ringleader' and we were all going to be brainwashed to be his slaves.. In this world, he was the only man we were suppose to and allowed to love.
This wasn't some wellness class, it was a cult.
As soon as I realized this, I grabbed my friend's arm and we started running back up all the flights of stairs. I looked down and realized one of the guys of the program saw us and he started running up, chasing us. So I quickly took us to a classroom and we tried hiding in the closet. But the man found us since the classroom door was still open and so I ran forward shutting the door on him and locking it. But of course, the lock didn't work and we were both forcing the door to go our way. I knew I was losing the fight so I somehow grabbed a wooden stick and as he came barging through the door I used as much force as I could and hit him 3 times- on the shoulders, head, and finally his neck. That put him out and he fell to the ground.
We started running again to the top floor where the exit was and just before we jumped out the door I wrote on the wall "H E L P"..
I woke up.
Here is Dream entry # 100928098147126197 ..
I was on the phone with my mentor and she was trying to tell me that sometimes people come to a fork in the road in having to decide between two very different people. The choice is obvious but we tend to go for the ladder. The first person is the one we fall for hard without any explanation, red flags sailing high, and arrows trying to guide us back the other way. But we don't care because we've become blindly seduced by their presence and we just stand there with butterflies. The second figure is the one with everything to offer, you can list the reasons why you love them, they challenge you, and you have this odd envy or desire to be like them. One is mystery and the other is an open book. One is asking to jump off the bandwagon and the other is asking for marriage.
So as she was explaining this to me, two of my friends popped up into my head that fit these two characters. It's a very hard and confusing decision- but only if you don't know what you want. My mentor continued to speak and say how that is a decision I must make.. and after our whole conversation (or rather me just listening to her speak), she concluded by saying, "Christine.. there is something else. I know we have been confiding in each other for the past while now, but we are going to have to stop now. We cannot talk or be friends anymore."
I was really shocked and at first I responded by saying, "Ok, I understand." But as I kept thinking about it, I didn't understand. We have been building up such a close friendship and I've been trusting her with so many of my secrets.. how? why? She explained very blunt in tone that it wasn't healthy for her. Really, it made no sense at all. So I said, holding back my tears, "Alright, I guess I'll catch you later then..." She hung up.
So it was a day before my exam and I was with my best friend. She wanted me to drop her off at this community centre because they had a free drop-in health and body class. It actually seemed a bit odd and off and I kept looking at the flyer she received and it made more sense to me as a rehab session. But my friend kept insisting that it wasn't and it would be a cool experience. So I dropped her off and of course she dragged me into it (even though at the back of my mind I was thinking about my next day's exam). We entered into a door that only opens from the inside to prevent unwanted outsiders from coming in.
We walked down the winding stairs and I looked at all the people coming in and it just seemed so off. These were people with serious mental issues! What were we doing there? We didn't belong.. Anyway, we kept following and then I looked at another flyer and realized this wasn't what my friend thought it was. A person beside us, held down by people, was scrambling to get away and screaming out that she didn't want it again. The pictures on the flyer were actually really disturbing as I analyzed it closer. There was a 'ringleader' and we were all going to be brainwashed to be his slaves.. In this world, he was the only man we were suppose to and allowed to love.
This wasn't some wellness class, it was a cult.
As soon as I realized this, I grabbed my friend's arm and we started running back up all the flights of stairs. I looked down and realized one of the guys of the program saw us and he started running up, chasing us. So I quickly took us to a classroom and we tried hiding in the closet. But the man found us since the classroom door was still open and so I ran forward shutting the door on him and locking it. But of course, the lock didn't work and we were both forcing the door to go our way. I knew I was losing the fight so I somehow grabbed a wooden stick and as he came barging through the door I used as much force as I could and hit him 3 times- on the shoulders, head, and finally his neck. That put him out and he fell to the ground.
We started running again to the top floor where the exit was and just before we jumped out the door I wrote on the wall "H E L P"..
I woke up.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A dream within a dream
Last night's sleep was pretty restless.
Here goes my dream:
As Young (my pastor) was driving me home, we started this great conversation on life and God and then decided to go grab a coffee to continue it. We took the first exit off the highway and pulled into a secluded restaurant area. But as we were driving into the parking lot we felt some eerie presence and noticed something terribly wrong. To my left there was a man laying across his right side on the ground with a rifle a few metres ahead. There were police men and a crowd of people. Then to my right, there was a woman and a man lying on the ground as well. The area was being taped off and there was broken glass from the convenient store all over the ground. By the looks of it, it was a robbery gone completely out of hand. So the store owner (the first man) was actually dead and I remember seeing a lot of blood and guts around him. Also the woman was dead but the other man beside her was going to survive. I was so freaked out. This was the first time I've ever seen a dead person before and it just seemed so surreal.
This next part is even more odd.
Behind the taped off area was a group of onlookers and witnesses to the situation. However, they seemed to be either crying, praying, or worshipping. It didn't really make any sense at all what they were doing. First, it wasn't their business and second.. some of them were bowing down and raising their hands. It was like a worship session out of context and maybe not even for God. Were they mourning the two deaths? Were they asking for mercy and redemption? Noo idea. I was so confused. Then the next thing I knew, I was down there with them too crying and praying and all that. I was bowing down and lifting my hands. It was such an emotional atmosphere... then I realized these onlookers were Joyful people!! So somehow I ended up with my congregation members. How completely and utterly bizarre.
What were we doing? I don't quite understand...yet.
Anyway, I woke up from that dream and rushed to go talk to my pastor. I told him all about that dream and I don't even remember what he concluded.. something about me needing to trust God more and to know that not all dreams come from God. I told him how scary and REAL it felt to see a dead man and the feelings that came with that. Even though it was a dream it felt so disturbingly real. So this dream kept going on, switching scenes from a formal dinner party with Joyful to moving into a house in 4th year with my Schulich crew.... all the while, thinking that I had the most surreal dream ever!
And then.. I woke up this morning to realize that ALL of the above was a dream. I had a dream that I dreamt about a dead man. So technically I never told my pastor any of this...and I'm contemplating whether or not I should call him up right now and tell him about it.
Actually, what would be the point of that? I don't even understand the point of this dream. Or maybe that is the point... that there is no point.
Sigh.. dreams within a dream. Kinda throws off your day.
Here goes my dream:
As Young (my pastor) was driving me home, we started this great conversation on life and God and then decided to go grab a coffee to continue it. We took the first exit off the highway and pulled into a secluded restaurant area. But as we were driving into the parking lot we felt some eerie presence and noticed something terribly wrong. To my left there was a man laying across his right side on the ground with a rifle a few metres ahead. There were police men and a crowd of people. Then to my right, there was a woman and a man lying on the ground as well. The area was being taped off and there was broken glass from the convenient store all over the ground. By the looks of it, it was a robbery gone completely out of hand. So the store owner (the first man) was actually dead and I remember seeing a lot of blood and guts around him. Also the woman was dead but the other man beside her was going to survive. I was so freaked out. This was the first time I've ever seen a dead person before and it just seemed so surreal.
This next part is even more odd.
Behind the taped off area was a group of onlookers and witnesses to the situation. However, they seemed to be either crying, praying, or worshipping. It didn't really make any sense at all what they were doing. First, it wasn't their business and second.. some of them were bowing down and raising their hands. It was like a worship session out of context and maybe not even for God. Were they mourning the two deaths? Were they asking for mercy and redemption? Noo idea. I was so confused. Then the next thing I knew, I was down there with them too crying and praying and all that. I was bowing down and lifting my hands. It was such an emotional atmosphere... then I realized these onlookers were Joyful people!! So somehow I ended up with my congregation members. How completely and utterly bizarre.
What were we doing? I don't quite understand...yet.
Anyway, I woke up from that dream and rushed to go talk to my pastor. I told him all about that dream and I don't even remember what he concluded.. something about me needing to trust God more and to know that not all dreams come from God. I told him how scary and REAL it felt to see a dead man and the feelings that came with that. Even though it was a dream it felt so disturbingly real. So this dream kept going on, switching scenes from a formal dinner party with Joyful to moving into a house in 4th year with my Schulich crew.... all the while, thinking that I had the most surreal dream ever!
And then.. I woke up this morning to realize that ALL of the above was a dream. I had a dream that I dreamt about a dead man. So technically I never told my pastor any of this...and I'm contemplating whether or not I should call him up right now and tell him about it.
Actually, what would be the point of that? I don't even understand the point of this dream. Or maybe that is the point... that there is no point.
Sigh.. dreams within a dream. Kinda throws off your day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
