To My Dearest

There are about a million things running through my mind right now but as I was reading your entry, everything just stopped.

First off, there's no need to be 'sorry' about your behavior (because then I would have to be sorry for my lack of behavior and the next thing we know we're just apologizing in circles and never getting to the point). Everyone's first instinct of survival is protecting themselves and I completely understand you in that. People fail to love themselves and love each other and that's why it's so hard to trust.

I really wish I could say that I've been in your shoes and know how you feel... but I haven't and I can't begin to know how you're feeling. And honestly, that's where people and friendships fall short. It's the fact that I can't fully understand you and you can't fully know me, which leaves a huge gap hanging there. BUT, what I do know for certain is that our God is. Our God is the fill-in-the-gap between you and me (y'know, that gap that you find with your non christian friends). He is the way, the truth and the life... and in one simple word, He is love.

That's why you always hear in the back of your mind "I should go to God first." Your subconscious is right. It's God, not me or her or him, who fully understands and knows your feelings. And God knows it so well because He felt it in the flesh.
I hope you're prepared to hear me preach about Jesus because what kind of loving sister would I be if I didn't? :)

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Remember that it's Satan who constantly deceives you and tells you otherwise.

I also want to tell you something that touched my heart so much: how the Lord reminded me day after day that PERFECT love drives out fear. Through all of our pain and struggles comes fear. Fear of trusting, fear of trying, fear of letting your pride go... And it's a scary thought of what fear makes us do. We end up believing that we're incapable and we lose complete direction. I mentioned that Satan deceives us.. which means that he uses fear to trick us. And so the whirlwind begins. We struggle, we fall, we CRY, we fear... and then we HATE, build walls, stir up anger, and we hate even more.

But you and I, as children of God, aren't meant for this kind of anguish.

The world is not fair and not perfect because people will fail each other everyday. But God won't fail you. His purpose is too majestic for it to fall through just because you're stuck. He has made a promise to us.. and that is his perfect love. This is our tool for fixing. This is our shoulder to cry on.

So now comes the question of how to seek this love and comfort the Lord claims to provide.
I read this quote by Charles Spurgeon who said that "sorrow is the cloud which brings the shower of supplication." He is talking about prayer. Faith produces prayer and prayer produces faith, which ultimately gives us perseverance. We must never underestimate and doubt God's power because in Ephesians 3:20 it says: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us..."

In all, we need to invite Him into our hearts so that his power and love can drive out our fears and sorrows and bless us to heights that we can't even fathom. There is a promise and purpose to everything we go through. That is the truth and we're just kidding ourselves thinking otherwise. So let's have hope for better days and keep pushing closer to God. He is the perfect being to have a relationship with since "vain is the help of man" (Psalm 108:12).


And maybe we just need to reverse our thinking like Thane Pittman when he says, "I'll see it when I believe it."



Starfield - Shripwreck

I built a fortress
With a hundred thousand faces
I'll keep it safe
With a hundred thousand more
But these masks are wearing thin
As You draw me in

I spent my time
On the empty and the fleeting
I spent my life
On much less than I'd dreamed
But I'm reaching out to you
To make me new

'Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty handed
Ready to see
Your life in me changing who I've been
To who I need to be