Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Honesty is a crinkled heart

"... it’s not about cherry-wood flooring. No, life is about love and truly experiencing the beauty we are meant to know." - K.H., Nella's story

I read this story twice in a row and a third time the next day because it was such a touching story... it wasn't so much the content or moral of her story that hit me, rather it was the author's honesty. She was completely honest with her emotions and it made me really appreciate her writing, her story.
To quickly reiterate, she told of her experience giving birth to a daughter with down syndrome- her first reaction, her train of thoughts, the emotional pain, and the hours upon hours of crying.. She wrote about how she wanted to run away with her first daughter and their perfect "cupcake" world because she didn't want to face this different life her new child would bring.

As I was reading this story, my heart crinkled.. and it wasn't so much for the story.. but, again, for the telling of the story. She was so real to herself and about what she was afraid of. Then I started to think: "Am I being honest with myself?.. maybe, maybe not.. and if not, why not?" I went through a string of why's and kept turning in circles until I decided to continue reading her story through to the end. And that's when reading the quote above stopped my circling... That I am very afraid to stray away from my cupcake world. I know life is more but am I experiencing it? Am I really being sincere about the relationships in my life? Do I understand love, know love, and have love? These questions, I hope, won't bother me for long as I try to be less naive and more aware.

Well the beautiful part about her story is that it ends with a tearful smile. In her complete honesty, she found truth.. and truth is love.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"Instead of's"

I was reading up on this girl's blog about characteristics she wants to strive for and I felt like I could relate completely.. here's a list of a few of hers with some of mine..

Timeless instead of trendy.
Generous instead of entitled.
Patient instead of prideful.

Humbled instead of narcissistic.
Controlled instead of given up.
Letting go instead of holding on.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Dream Entry

Again, another night of peace-less sleep and tossing and turning. So what happened in my dream this time?

My friend Emily and I were aboard this sleek-looking futuristic jet and we were taken to another planet filled with deep blue waters with the exception of bits and pieces of islands and mountains. Getting past the atmosphere was extremely rough .. like very intense turbulence.. and just as I thought I was about to die getting there, we got there, in one piece. We landed on this tiny island, surrounded by crystal blue water with all these native people holding staffs in their hands, dancing and playing.. and actually, I'm almost embarrassed to say that I even dreamed about this but some of the people were tall and blue (like the Na'vi people from Avatar).. Anyway! We got off the jet and started to roam around the area. After just being in awe of the place and the fact that we were on a different planet, we decided to go on this boat tour for snorkeling, or so we thought it was.
This is when a series of problems started to happen.. as we were swimming, the water turned really violent and I was struggling to keep my head above the water AND for some reason I couldn't zip-up my lifejacket, so I was clinging on to it not trying to drown. Finally, my friend came to help me and we both swam back to the boat where everyone was retreating. With everyone on board, the boat suddenly lifted off from the raging waters and the next thing I noticed, we were flying. Also, there weren't enough seats so I was clinging on a pole for my life as the boat-turned-helicopter (with no doors or railings) was making circles in the air flying to another destination. I remember thinking I was going to be whipped out of the boat and be eaten by those waters.
The turbulent flying settles and we start cruising over these great big mountains.. but it was odd because there was ice and snow everywhere.. no more green tress and pearly white sand. It was as if we suddenly ended up in the arctic. I looked down and saw two people struggling to kayak in a stream of ice cold water with huge clumps of snow falling on them. I turned to the person sitting next to me that I don't think they were going to make it. I looked back at the kayakers and couldn't find a trace of them... it was so freaky.

Finally the boat landed on some solid ground and we all got out. I realized why we were taken here.. because it's the best view of the mountains. Honestly, even if I could paint a picture of what I dreamed about, it wouldn't do justice. The scenery was breath-taking. Picture vast mountains with snow-capped tops stretching as far east and west as your eye can possibly reach. The sky is a mix of pink, red, orange, yellow, blue and purple.. with scattered clouds. The sun is peaking behind bare trees hundreds of feet tall. It was so beautiful.. all the tourists were taking so many photos. We walked down a steep icy path between those tall trees to get to the edge of the cliff, where you could see the canyon deep below. I didn't make it to the edge because of some things that happened along the pathway. First, some of us were stopped in our tracks when we saw a bat hanging on a tree branch sticking right in the middle of the pathway. Apparently our tour guide told us that it was a vicious bat that killed people when they got in its way. So we slowly turned around and quickly tried to climb back up the icy pathway but the ground was shaking and snow was falling like a mini avalanche. We couldn't get back up the path because everything was too icy to grab hold of. Then I heard the bat screech and flap its wings and whoever could jumped behind a tree trunk. The bat attacked one person who couldn't hide themselves in time by bitting them. Then as the bat flew away everyone scrambled to get back to the flying boat. But suddenly, a little boy stopped the tour guide and said that he was missing his mom and dad. The tour guide couldn't leave anyone left behind so we tried to search for them. Just then, I slipped and fell on my back sliding down the pathway until I got to the very edge and grabbed onto a branch for my dear life. I then heard someone faintly crying for help and I realized it was the mom and dad. The parents were stuck between branches and were also seconds away from those branches snapping and them falling to their deaths. A man finally appeared at the top and lowered a rope. I was the first in reach so I grabbed onto it and in a chain form, the dad grabbed onto my leg and his wife held onto his leg. The man at the top tried pulling us up but it didn't seem to work because the wife was wrapped around branches that wouldn't let her loose. The next few moments is all I remember before waking up from this dream.. me and the parents were painfully stuck, holding on to a rope I thought wasn't going to hold us.

So I woke up and I actually tried going back to sleep into that same dream to see what happened.. no luck :S

Then what was even more ironic after waking up was that I went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water and I saw the front page newspaper talking about a snowmobiling tour gone wrong because of an avalanche in BC.

Anyway, I hope those survivors make it through alright and God be with the families of the 2 that couldn't make it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

"A life without cause is like a map without its compass." - unknown.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


I was reading the blog of one of my favourite authors, Donald Miller, and I came across an interesting point he made in an entry. Here he touches on the essence of the stories of heroes in the Bible.

"In an age where we are taught through commercialism there should be no struggles in life that the purchasing of a product won’t relieve, the Bible is incompatible. But the age of commercialism has let us down. Many have found their stuff has made life more meaningless. What we’ve forgotten is that every great story has to involve a difficult ambition, and must then travel through the land of conflict. The best stories have their protagonist wondering if they are going to make it. What scripture teaches us, then, is that God will be with us in that place, and will give us the strength to endure a hard thing."


Anyway want to come with me and Emily in MAY? :)

Monday, March 1, 2010


My first time snorkeling! The fish ate my bread roll so quickly... and they came so close I could have grabbed one. :)

Oh and GO CANADA :)