If you only had one night to live... who would you spend it with?

Excerpt from Talent is Never Enough:

One of the paradoxes of life is that the things which initially make you successful, are not necessarily the things that keep you successful. You have to remain open to new ideas and be willing to learn new skills.

Dr J Konrad Hole says:
'If you cannot be teachable, having talent won't help you.
If you cannot be flexible, having a goal won't help you.
If you cannot be grateful, having abundance won't help you.
If you cannot be mentor-able, having a future won't help you.
If you cannot be durable, having a plan won't help you.'

Confined to a dungeon and facing the certainty of an executioner's chopping block, Paul writes to Timothy and asks him to bring:
a) Writing paper. 'I still have something to say.'
b) books. 'I still have more to learn' (2 Timothy 4:13)

Learning should be our lifelong pursuit.

They say that running is a mental sport. You would be surprised at how much you can do and how far you can go just by convincing yourself. It's the power of persuasion, determination and, I would say, the power of denial. Yes you're eager to cross the finish-line but you can't get there if you keep thinking about the pain in your legs. The thought of pain hinders your mentality and ultimately slows your pace. So as runners we dismiss it and that proves to take us a long way ahead..

So I was thinking about what I've been up to lately and how I feel like I've got this adrenaline pumping through me that won't stop. It feels like I've been running this race forever and the aches in my body aren't catching up to me. Maybe I'm just incredibly prepared for marathons but I know deep inside I'm not healthy. I need rest. What once started out as an ambitious goal to run to that finish-line has now turned into an obsession to run away. And far far away I have ran, too stubborn and afraid to stop and tend to my aches.

Denial. I picked up a bad habit and haven't you, too? So many of us can't face our demons. So many of us can't hold our heads on our shoulders because we're so battered up inside. Running is suppose to be a sport of good intentions but we somehow bruise the idea.

Nullis Secundus -- second to none.


I've been waking up with cold sweats. My dreams are acting up again.. drawing me into these whirlwind dramas.

1) I was stranded at York with no way home but my two feet. I started up and down these hills which were along the highway and suddenly a friend of mine who appeared from no where warned me of the man who was walking behind me. I quickened my pace and very soon I was running as he followed my tail. He eventually caught up and kidnapped me and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a forest standing at the front of an old-fashioned mansion that had an "abandonment" feel to it.. Then I found myself lying close to the edge of a bed next to that creepy man and this other woman who were still sleeping (my clothes were still on, thank God?) .. So I quietly pulled myself up and walked to the next room which had a very authentic portrait mirror and I walked up close to look at myself. My throat was swollen so I opened my mouth to see my tonsils (don't ask) and when I looked to the back of my throat I saw my eyeballs looking back at me. Freaked out, I closed my mouth and moved on.
Finally I saw other younger kids at the house too with cute prairie dresses on playing in the backyard and running around the long dining table. But something was wrong. Something was off. It felt like everyone was naive or oblivious to the fact that this creepy old man just kidnapped me and brought me here. I had no idea who these people were but somehow I was snatched into their world, restricted under their rules.. and forced to obey. Then it clicked into my head that the "mom and dad" were abusers and I was just another victim stuck here in the middle of no where with no one searching for me because no one knew I was gone. And the kids were unaware of anything going on because they were young and so use to this..

Anyway, what ended up happening was that out of my senses, I had to rebel and save myself. I locked everyone in the house and lit the house on fire from a single match that I found. Everyone started screaming and trying to escape as I closed the doors but I decided to let one girl free because I really liked her and she was so innocent.
Then I woke up.

2) This dream was with random Joyful peeps. At first there was a mission to be accomplished. I was in this rich-looking building.. that had escalators, high ceilings, many floors, statues, lots of pillars and stairs, etc.. it almost resembled the interior of a grand cruise ship. I was with two other people and we were running, trying to hide and get away from the black mob who were after us. Kind of like the ps2 Halo Gun game, I was able to jump from floor to floor and hop over and squeeze underneath railings and balconies. Our mission was to just get through the maze of the building and to the underground parking lot and meet the rest of our team. Finally after running around and going in and out of elevators and jumping over escalators to the next floor and locking doors behind us.. we made it to the parking lot.. and we were looking for the yellow race-car convertible with sliding doors. Finally, it came roaring around the corner. But we also saw some mob gang members looking for us.. but we quickly fit 8 people in the car, sealed the doors shut, and drove off at an unbelievable speed. The mob just missed us..they were looking around in confusion wondering how we could have escaped. Smoothhh..

Anyway, then my dream turned into something else and I was driving a golf cart with a couple of friends in the back seat. Then we drove off up onto this hill and got off at this big cabin centre. Inside, counselors and kids were seated eating their lunch... fries and wings to be precise.. and some man dressed in this funny animal costume started talking about a different religion/cult I had no idea was about. He was trying to encourage us, or more like brainwash us, into believing his doctrines and ideologies.. I knew there was something off about it.. there was no Jesus and the cross involved.. just some animal religion. I don't know..
Then I woke up.

How do I...
take on change?
trust-fall backwards?

say goodbye?

I'm going to start blogging my dreams down more often. Hopefully I can get a clearer sense of what they mean. As per last night:

In my dream I broke into this tight-spaced backroom that had shelves and shelves of fragile glass, porcelin, china plates, etc. My mission was to steal them and I managed to pick up some but accidently dropped a glass plate. My heart was pounding and it shattered making this slow motion crashing sound. It felt like a lot of adrenaline.. but I continued to be as steady as I could so that we wouldn't get caught. Then I waited for my partners to grab their stuff and we slowly snuck out.


Anyway, I heard this quote:
"In denial.. friend or foe?"
I would say at this point in time.. it has become my very best friend.

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier..."

- The Life of Pi